Forced Marriages

I have had to edit this post as it had personal information in and as my blog is no longer anonymous, (I have been discovered), I have had to edit it to remove any personal references.
22/12/2011

Asalaam Alaikum

So time for another serious blog post I think! Forced marriages to me is parenting gone wrong!!
Forced marriages tend to hit the headlines a lot and unfortunately are a common ocurrance. Alot of the time the parents think they are doing the right thing by their child and that they have picked the best spouse possible. However sometimes it can be to do with land issues etc.  Please note arranged marriages are different to forced marriages.
I see it all too often in forums I browse…. ‘My parents want me to marry so and so but I don’t want to. What should I do?’
The usual reply is islamically no-one can force you so just say no. It is your right to say no.
If only it was as easy as that.
It is simple for brothers and sisters to sit in the comfort of their own homes tapping away at their PC’s and laptops and saying ‘Hey no problem, you just have to say no.’ They probably have not been put in this situation and unlikely (inshAllah) to be put into this position so it’s easy for them to say that.
One comment from a sister totally infuriated me. It was something along the lines of well if you go ahead and get married willingly to keep your parents happy then it’s not really forced is it?? How naive. She does not know what this sister may be going through. 
The purpose of this post really is to reach out to any sisters who may be going through something similar and to show them they are not alone. Also to show the term ‘forced’ isn’t as clear cut as being physically dragged by your hair kicking and screaming. 
If anyone just wants someone to listen to them then I can offer my ear! 
Also if any of you are being forced into a marriage then you can also get help from this organisation: Forced Marriage Unit
It is going to be difficult to wipe out forced marriages even though islamically it is incorrect.
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5 Comments

  1. Um Zakarya
    January 4, 2011 / 3:04 pm

    Assalamu Aleykum,

    MASHALLAH what an inspirational post.I have been proposed by a brother who's been forced to do a Nikah with some relative he's never ever met.He ran away from home for a while but finally gave up, as it's really hard to give up your family and just leave everything behind.I really do understand this is a complicated issue, and nothing is white or black, but I also understand it can be huge trauma both for men and women, but as we all know women tend to suffer more in this kind of situations..ALHAMDULILLAH I'm glad to hear your husband is good to you.
    May ALLAH SWT help our Ummah to live according to the Deen and not cultural traditions that have nothing to do with Islam.Ameen.

  2. ummH
    January 4, 2011 / 4:08 pm

    Wa alaikum asalaam sis

    Yes I also have come across brothers in this situation. People turn round and say 'You're a man! BE a man and say no' but it's not so easy.

    Ameen sis. Culture has a lot to answer for.

  3. January 4, 2011 / 5:55 pm

    Assalaamu alaikum,

    The post gives a different perspective of forced marriages. Many people don't understand it.

    Alhamdullilah you have a good relationship with your husband and your story kinda has a positive outcome to it.

  4. January 5, 2011 / 9:23 am

    Masha'Allah, I commend you for being open and honest; it takes a lot of courage and I honestly know that it is not easy to stand your ground against family pressure.

    May Allah bless your union with nothing but goodness, ameen.

  5. ummH
    January 5, 2011 / 3:53 pm

    JazakAllah Khair for your kind comment.

    Ameen!

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