Asalaam Alaikum/Hi all
I have had the last 2 weeks off and it has been complete bliss not having to worry about work. Am dreading having to go back on Tuesday but I’m already planning some time off in October inshAllah, so have something to look forward to.
During my time off I decided to catch up with some old friends. Three of these friends I have not seen in years.
Friend 1: Last seen about 3 years ago but regular contact via phone and facebook!
Friend 2: Last seen almost 5 years ago. Lost touch about 3 years ago. Recently found on facebook but not an active member. Father sadly passed away so went to see her.
Friend 3: Last seen over 5 years ago. On facebook now but have been periods where no contact for ages.
All 3 of these friends I have been very close to during my time at university. Apart from friend 1, I haven’t remained close to them. I always thought I would stay in touch with my friends as that is the kind of person I am and I did make the effort. However when it seems like only you are making the effort then after a while you just can’t be bothered. I had a rough time with another friend which made me stop making the effort with everyone. Maybe that was wrong of me but when you have been taken for granted more than once then you just give up.
With friend 2 I got a text from her saying her father had passed away. Inna lillahi wa inna illayhi rajioon. My immediate reaction was I must go and see her, so I made plans with friend 1 to go. Friend 2 herself admits she isn’t good at keeping in touch. She did come to see me when I got married and when I gave birth. However, soon after the contact pretty much stopped because if I am honest I got fed up of being the one making the effort. I just thought if I can find the time to send a text even with a small demanding baby then surely she can send a text even if she works. Was I wrong to take that attitude?
I must say it was lovely to see her even though I wish the circumstances had been better. She was really grateful that I and friend 1 had made the effort to go and see her. She gave us the hugest and most genuine of hugs and I actually started feeling guilty for not making the effort to keep in touch as she is someone who is genuine from the heart. It was just like the old days, there was no awkwardness whatsoever. She was even remembering odd bits of information from our uni days, for example when she came with me to see a friend who was in hospital and we went to the wrong hospital and she almost walked into a lampost- I had forgotten about that!
When I expressed my surprise at her remembering these random things she replied it is because she does think about us regularly, she is just rubbish at keeping in touch. Again that made me feel a bit guilty for not continuing to make the effort.
My mistake was to not bother with everyone just because I was hurt and felt ‘used’ by a few friends. Just because a few are like that doesn’t mean they all are. I guess I was just trying to protect myself from being hurt.
Don’t leave meeting up with friends for Births, Deaths and Marriages. Make the effort to keep in touch, it won’t kill you. If you think they should make more of an effort then tell them. Don’t lose a good friend. I almost did and I regret it. InshAllah I will now continue to make the effort as I know she is slightly dippy (in a good way!)
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.”
– C. S. Lewis
“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure but, scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.”
“No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence.”
– George Eliot
“Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannogt congeal in winter.”
– James Fenimore Cooper