Asalaam Alaikum/Hi all!
My munchkin seems to have confidence issues and if I am honest, it is beginning to frustrate me. She is 5 and she won’t say hello to anyone, won’t say goodbye and will try to hide behind me if at all possible.
I am beginning to think where did I go wrong? I see other peoples kids of around the same age come up to me and talk to me confidently, or talk to me on the phone. My munchkin will only talk to my sister on the phone and then that is only to ask about the cat and birds. If my sister tries to steer the conversation to something else, munchkin just abruptly walks away from the phone.
She has always been shy from day one. She did not like to go to anyone else but was very close to the rest of the family. (My mum, dad, sis, bro and her cousins). She wasn’t fond of my bro in law but I wasn’t too fussed about that because I didn’t like him either.
At one point it was so bad that she was hiding whenever anyone came round. I had a plumber come round about a year ago. When he had left I was looking for her and she was in her bedroom hiding under the duvet. Another time I went round to my mothers house after work and she had some friends pop round. Munchkin was hiding under the table.
I must admit she is not that bad now but I am getting paranoid that I have done something to make her so shy. If the doorbell rings she will now come to see who it is and won’t just run off so that is a good sign alhamdulillah.
When going to school her fellow classmates will call her name but she doesn’t want to speak to them. BUT in the classroom she is apparently fine. Is it because I am with her that she won’t speak to them? What have I done that makes her feel that she can’t talk to them in front of me?
She hasn’t made any special friends but is generally friendly with everyone.
I can find myself getting very annoyed when she won’t say hello. To be honest, I find it embarrassing that my 5 year old won’t talk to anyone. I begin to think that maybe they think I am a bad mum and that has led to my daughter not having much confidence.
I was doing some research on the internet about this issue. Here is some info I found:
All children will go through periods of feeling low in self-esteem which includes lacking in confidence. This can happen as a result of many factors but is mainly due to the lack of affirming, positive feedback from others. Source
Many factors affect the development of self-confidence. Parents’ attitudes are crucial to children’s feelings about themselves, particularly in children’s early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. However, if parents encourage children’s moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, children will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.
Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Instead, it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends’ influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one’s self. Source
This seems to suggest that I have had unrealistic expectations of her which has led to her lack of self confidence. That perhaps I have not been providing her with acceptance. Or maybe I have been over protective??
Have I really led my daughter into not having much self confidence? Or have these articles been written by people who do not have kids and are just talking rubbish? Are some kids just born shy and eventually will grow out of it? Or is it actually parenting gone wrong?