Being a mum is a wonderful thing. And I am grateful that I have two beautiful daughters.
But sometimes I can’t help but feel lonely.
I can’t help but feel like a single mum.
My husband is working long hours at the moment. Partly due to the fact that I am no longer working and about to be made redundant and also partly due to saving as he will be taking his mum to hajj inshAllah. (Annual pilgrimage that Muslims have to try to do at least once in their lifetime if they have the means to do it).
He has usually gone to work by the time we all wake up and then doesn’t come home till after 7. It varies due to him being self employed.
I know we need money to keep a roof over our heads but then I end up feeling like I’m the only one being a parent to our girls. Money is not the be all and end all.
He comes home and if the girls are awake he will chat to them but it is often the eldest’s bedtime by then so he doesn’t get to spend much time with her. The baby is usually awake until late so he does spend time with her, but that can then lead to the eldest feeling jealous.
I hate feeling alone and it makes me feel frustrated.
I end up being the one to discipline our eldest all the time and I’m beginning to feel like she hates me for it and loves her dad as he’s never home to tell her not to misbehave.
It then got me thinking to the men who choose not to get involved. In our culture (Pakistani) I have noticed how a lot of the men don’t seem to lift a finger when it comes to babies. They won’t help with changing nappies, bathing, feeding etc. So it makes me think I wouldn’t be much better off even if he was at home more.
Kids are the woman’s problem. The men are always keen to have kids, especially sons, but don’t want to help look after them.
If it wasn’t for my parents who help me out on a daily basis I am sure I would have fallen into a state of depression by now. They are thinking to go abroad for a few months soon, and if they do, I am going to get bored. Hopefully the weather improves so I can get out and about.
I know I am a restless soul. I hate being stuck indoors. I love going out, even going to work if it gets me out of the house, so I need to make the effort to find out about baby groups and make new friends!
I don’t know. Maybe I am sounding selfish?
There are women out there who ARE single mums, some by no choice of their own. And you know what, big respect to them for being able to manage.
My dear Foz, I imagine how difficult this situation can be. You are right some men want babies but by no way want to get involved in raising them. It seems they are present for the good times, that's all. In some cases, like yours, work takes the most of your husband and you are left on your own. It must be tough and I hope you will find some mums group in your area – I think it's a good way to share experiences, go out and feel less lonely. Thinking of you.
Take care. xx
dont worry i feel the same sometimes. eel when men have kids nothing changes for them, they still can lie in on their days off, and they can still go out with there mates when ever they want….
be patient with it thou sis this is our life.
Salam sis, I feel the same sometimes and I do work outside the home. But I take my 2yr old daughter with me – her nursery is at my school. My husband also comes back late from work so we hardly get to see him and I feel like I do everything for my little girl. It's tiring and I know I couldn't be a stay at home mum because I'd get bored really quickly but then I feel guilty for saying that because I should want to spend every second with my child. Anyway I agree, in my situation anyway men don't do anything for the kids, no feeding, nappies, dressing them, so it's all down to me.
Take care sis and know you're not alone xxx
So true, on my hubbys day off he can just pop out…what about my days off?? They don't exist anymore
Thank you for commenting.
Yeah it definitely seems like they are only there for the good times. We struggle with the tough nights..teething etc.
Wa alaikum asalaam sis.
I know what you mean. I would like to go out to work, and then feel guilty for not wanting to spend all my time with the kids. But I do get bored easily and hate being home all the time!