Struggling to be a stay at home mum

I know some mums would kill to be able to spend all their time at home looking after their kids, but right now I am hating it.
Maybe that makes me a bad mum?
But I’m tired of being at home all the time; tired of cooking and cleaning which I hate with a passion. Tired of not having my own money to do with as I please. Tired of not having enough cash to spend on myself as any spare I have I spend on my kids.
And most of all I hate having to go begging to the hubby to give me some cash as I need to buy stuff. (But then when I am still paying some of the bills it’s only fair he gives me some money when I need it).
I have worked for the past 10 years. After I had Munchkin, I knew I would return to work part time as my parents could keep her for a few hours a day. But this time I have no job to return to, and even if I did it would be unlikely that I would have returned as my parents are 7 years older and can no longer cope with a baby/toddler.
I have been feeling pretty low recently. A few friends have suggested that it is PND, but I am not sure it is….
I am just bored, fed up and miserable.
Some mums will think I am being an ungrateful cow, that I have 2 gorgeous daughters and a chance to be at home with them.
And I know that.
But I never used to have a maternal bone in my body. I used to say I would never have kids, that I would rather have my uterus removed! 
But I had two. 
I love them to bits.
I would do anything for them.
But I just don’t enjoy being stuck at home 24/7.
Maybe I am feeling like this due to the lack of help from my husband. 
He doesn’t change nappies, he doesn’t give Bee her bottle (although he tried the other day so that I could make him food and she was not happy and wanted me). I don’t get a break at all. She’s not sleeping through the night, and last night she was waking pretty much every 2 hours; I am guessing she is teething.
I don’t get a chance to leave them with family and go out alone to get a bit of a break, a chance to recharge the batteries. And now that shes at the crawling and exploring stage I am permanently exhausted running round after her. 
I don’t know what to do to get myself out of this sinking, miserable hole I seem to be falling into day by day.

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  • My dear Foz. I understand you are going through hardships. Being a mum at home is not an easy task. Wanting to get out, to leave the house for an hour or just get a break does not make you a bad mum. It's human.
    I imagine it's hard to be stuck home when you are used to work out of home.

    I would love to be able to just drop by and give you some rest.

    I left two days to go to Paris for interviews and thought it was hard to be far away from Mister Pop, it felt good to breath, to chat with other people, to rest.

    I am praying you can get some time off soon and find peace. Take care and much love. May God ease your days and nights.

  • Salaam alaykum,

    is it not possible to go outside with them?

    Try to find a hobby something you do like, andif possible something you can to when Bee is sleeping and munchkin is at school.

    don't think you're a bad mom. it can be exhausting to be responsible for everyone and not having time to recharge.

    Make lot of du'a. insha'Allah I will remember you in mine.

  • You are not a bad mum. You are just being honest. I'm a stay at home mum and feel some of the same things you describe. I try to get out everyday and know that this too will pass then we will look back with rose tinted specs.

  • Wa Alaikum asalaam

    I am going to some baby groups but finding them a bit boring.
    When Bee is sleeping I usually catch up with the housework!

    JazakAllah khair, will certainly remember you in my Duas

  • Assalaamu alaikum.

    I don't think you're a bad mum. It's a big change to go from working full time to staying at home full time. Everyone is different and everyone adjusts to it differently.

    Maybe get your husband or a family member to look after the girls for the day whilst you get some "me" time or just relax for a bit. Or take the youngest to a playgroup and let her interact whilst you can take a bit of a breather.

    I'm sure you're not the only one who feels like that and insha'Allah I'm sure it will get easier as time passes.


  • You're not a bad mum at all! I really resented being a stay at home mum, as like you, I was made redundant so the choice was taken away from me. Knowing you don't have a job to go back to when you are so used to working is probably making it all harder. I think your hubby should help out a bit more, baby will start taking the bottle from him when she realises there's no other option! Next time, maybe go out for a walk, if even for 30minutes?
    I hope things get easier Foz xx

  • I can really sympathise with you! I have struggled due to severe sleep deprivation (I have 1-year-old twins that until very recently woke about 10 times a night, plus I have a 3 year old who is usually fine but seems to wake when I am most tired) that eventually overwhelmed me with depression and desperation. Talking to doctors and other helpers, I realised that I have no time for myself at ALL, and that has been a big contributor to how low I've been. Just doing a few things for myself has been a big help to me – for example, I started volunteering at a local charity centre that has a crèche, so they care for the children while I am volunteering in IT which, while it is not what I am passionate about, is enjoyable and great escapism. It enables me to do something I'm good at while escaping the children and helping others, so it is win-win.

    Anyway I really hope you can find something that will help you feel less 'stuck' because it's a horrible feeling that I've had several times since having children. All the best to you! *hug*

  • Wa Alaikum asalaam

    Thank you for the suggestions. Been going to a few baby groups but some can be a bit boring.
    Have booked us to go tumble tots to get out abit more!

  • Thanks Tinuke.
    Struggling at the mo to get any time as hubby going to work at 9 and not coming home till 9…. So basically doing it all alone.

  • Thank you so much for sharing your experience! One of my friends has also suggested volunteering so will look into it!

  • asalamu alaykum sis I know how you feel. sometimes I wish I was a man at least I wont have to do the house…. they get it to easy sometimes

  • It's a tough one…I work part time and find it very tough I have no time and I'm constantly catching up on household chores, I don't know that there is a right answer as your damned if you work and if you don't, I hope you find your happy medium.
    Maybe when your little ones are at school it might be easier to work in the middle if the day. X