I know some mums would kill to be able to spend all their time at home looking after their kids, but right now I am hating it.
Maybe that makes me a bad mum?
But I’m tired of being at home all the time; tired of cooking and cleaning which I hate with a passion. Tired of not having my own money to do with as I please. Tired of not having enough cash to spend on myself as any spare I have I spend on my kids.
And most of all I hate having to go begging to the hubby to give me some cash as I need to buy stuff. (But then when I am still paying some of the bills it’s only fair he gives me some money when I need it).
I have worked for the past 10 years. After I had Munchkin, I knew I would return to work part time as my parents could keep her for a few hours a day. But this time I have no job to return to, and even if I did it would be unlikely that I would have returned as my parents are 7 years older and can no longer cope with a baby/toddler.
I have been feeling pretty low recently. A few friends have suggested that it is PND, but I am not sure it is….
I am just bored, fed up and miserable.
Some mums will think I am being an ungrateful cow, that I have 2 gorgeous daughters and a chance to be at home with them.
And I know that.
But I never used to have a maternal bone in my body. I used to say I would never have kids, that I would rather have my uterus removed!
But I had two.
I love them to bits.
I would do anything for them.
But I just don’t enjoy being stuck at home 24/7.
Maybe I am feeling like this due to the lack of help from my husband.
He doesn’t change nappies, he doesn’t give Bee her bottle (although he tried the other day so that I could make him food and she was not happy and wanted me). I don’t get a break at all. She’s not sleeping through the night, and last night she was waking pretty much every 2 hours; I am guessing she is teething.
I don’t get a chance to leave them with family and go out alone to get a bit of a break, a chance to recharge the batteries. And now that shes at the crawling and exploring stage I am permanently exhausted running round after her.
I don’t know what to do to get myself out of this sinking, miserable hole I seem to be falling into day by day.