Hubby was recently away for 2 months, and the separation I think has done us a lot of good.
When I first realised he was going to be gone that long, I had a mixture of feelings; from anger that it was going to be for 2 months, to panic as to how I was going to cope alone for that long. Although I pretty much do everything, ie the school run, taking Munchkin to Quran class every evening, appointments etc, it was just nice to know that hubby would be home in the evening and I could get a break for a short while….although the break never really materialised as I used to use that time to do any housework that may have been left over.
What a glamourous life hey?
But being separated taught us a few things, and as they say distance makes the heart grow fonder!
I coped. I learnt that I can totally cope alone.
In fact I coped very well even if I do say so myself.
I coped even better than when hubby is here.
We had a routine going. Bedtimes were earlier, and there was no grumbling or tantrums; the girls pretty much did as they asked. Because they knew there was no dad to help them escape mum and her demands.
And I didn’t have to cook as much curry!! *does a little happy jig*
But on a more serious note, both my self and my hubby used the time to think about our marriage.
He realised how much he was missing his family. And we both realised we needed to make more of an effort.
We have been married now for almost 9 years alhamdulillah. And I could guess you could say we were stuck in a bit of a rut. Things were in all honesty getting a bit stale and boring. He was busy at work (partly due to saving for hajj) and I was just busy with the kids and just totally focusing on Bee, because I was annoyed that he was always at work. So then I wasn’t giving him the attention he needed.
And without realising it, we were both suffering.
Being apart has taught us both that we need to make more of an effort. To not just be stuck in the same routine, to do spontaneous things, to basically just LIVE. There is more to life than wake up, eat, work, eat, deal with kids, eat and then go back to sleep.
So some changes need to be made.
To be a successful marriage, and continue to be a successful marriage, some time and effort needs to be put in.
And we are ready to do that.
It is important to make sure you have some time to yourselves as a couple. Bee is a late sleeper, by they time she goes to sleep, we are also ready for bed….or the hubby is already asleep as he is tired after work. Having some couple time to just sit and chat without having kids hanging on to you is vital.
So Change 1 – Get the girls to bed earlier so we can have a bit of time to ourselves.
Following on from change 1 is spending time as a family. Hubby works weekends, and has a day off during the weekday. Therefore Munchkin missed out because she is at school. This isn’t ideal as it prevents us from spending time as a family and actually doing things so:
Change 2 – Take at least one day off at the weekend in as much weeks as possible during the month.
This way we can plan days out when the weather is nice, or just have some quality family time at home.
So what other changes could be made?
Change 3 – Be a bit more spontaneous and adventurous, do something different every once in a while
Ok this may not be particularly adventurous but since he has returned we have started going out for breakfast on his days off after dropping Munchkin at school. Even something as small as this makes a difference; we get to go out, sit somewhere different, chat and just enjoy each others company.
Change 4 – Send each other nice messages throughout the day
Yes you see each other in the morning and in the evening, but it’s nice to send each other a text or something throughout the day. It shows that you are thinking of each other and missing each other. Even if one of my messages is ‘Oi Smelly what are you doing?’ (OK OK I’m not as nasty as that!)
And the most obvious
Change 5 – Don’t forget to say ‘ I love you’ regularly
There’s plenty more changes we can make but I don’t want to bore you all to death, plus some are personal!
So what tips do you have for keeping the magic alive with your partner?