I had a fantastic mother who taught me self-confidence.
Self confidence is important. I believe you need it to be successful and I really hope that my children will be able to say that I helped improve their confidence.
Confidence is a brittle thing, it can be shaken to the core, and can be totally stripped from you by constant criticism and no praise. I don’t want that to happen to my girls. I want them to know they are brilliant, and can do anything that they put their minds to.
I will admit I am not the most confident person out there and even until recently I have doubted myself a lot. And I guess a whole lot has to do with my family, even if it was unintentional. I am writing this, to get it out of my system, and to remind myself not to do the same to my daughters, as I can see it beginning to happen.
The school I went to wasn’t the best. And my GCSE results were the second best in the school. BUT I got ONE C. My friends parents were happy about their kids passing. I hardly got any praise…..you shouldn’t have got a C.
My sister compared her handwriting to mine…….she was 10 years older….obviously hers was better.
People were told how I was lazy and wasn’t learning how to cook. When I did cook after marriage, the food was criticised, sometimes unfairly.
I had to have braces, and heard my mum constantly say how I had a pretty round face and the braces messed it all up and I now have a long face. I was told that long earrings didn’t suit my long face…..I then felt like I was ugly and that has stayed with me.
When I got pregnant, there was no joy……I was questioned on how I was going to cope. And I shouldn’t have got pregnant as my husband and I didn’t have our own home. There was no tears of happiness but more frowns. It made me doubt my abilities as a mother, I shut out the fact that I was pregnant….so much so that when it was suspected I may have had a miscarriage a part of me was glad. When my daughter arrived safely, I doubted everything I did. I couldn’t do anything right…and had to hear comments such as ‘if that was my daughter she would be potty trained by now.’ This led to feelings of inadequacy.
When we went abroad, my mum was constantly singing my sisters praises in front of my mother in law…she had nothing good to say about me and used to criticise anything I did in front of my mother in law.
My marriage felt like they were just getting rid of me, I never got the amount of clothes and jewellery my sister got at her first marriage. I felt like I wasn’t worth it. I felt like something to just be shot of so their duty of getting their kids married was over.
You may think I may be over thinking things…but others have noticed. And just not my hubby….so it is clearly not just in my mind.
I am in my 30’s…..and I still am often made to feel like a child at my parents….. maybe it is because I am the youngest…who knows…… All I know is that I am now beginning to hate going round to my parents house….I still do, they are after all my family…..but I’m constantly clock watching. Don’t get me wrong…they do also do a lot for me…..but I seem to be more at peace when I distance myself from them and family drama.
I did everything to keep them happy…so far as even getting into a marriage I didn’t want to. I had options, I was working…. I could have run away. But I didn’t, out of respect for them…… but what respect am I getting from them all? Hardly any.
My home is criticised, my mothering skills are criticised, my husband is criticised….the list goes on.
This post may not stay up long….I am not even sure if I will publish it…..it’s already been sitting in my drafts for a while. It all seems abit of a muddle.
Every time I read it, I think about how I wish I was closer to my family. I want to make sure there isn’t this distance between myself and my girls in the future. That they can talk to me and come to be about anything without being criticised.
That they never doubt that they are both loved and cherished equally.