Asalaam Alaikum
Friendship can be a complicated thing and I have been thinking a lot about it recently.
Friendship I feel is important. Friends are there through the good times and bad. They don’t judge you but will tell you when you are being a cow! There are in my life only a few people who I would genuinely say are my friends and over the years I have had various ‘friends’ come and go. Maybe I expect too much from my friends and they can’t live up to my expectations? But to me friendship is important and I need to know I can trust this person who I’m letting into my life.
When it came to my friends I used to be a very forgiving and after a few knock backs at uni and the ultimate experience having a friend turn nasty who got myself and my housemate arrested, my attitude changed. With me now its kind of ‘one strike and you are out’.
Maybe thats a harsh attitude to have but I have been let down so many times and feel frankly used. I started to think do I have MUG tattooed on my forehead? I give my all to my friends…and felt like they weren’t always there for me when I needed them.
Is it really too much to expect your friends to be there for you to when you need them? Expect them to listen to you when you have problems rather than you listen to them all the time? To not take you for granted? To not turn nasty when you are being honest with them?
Do I always have to be the one to be careful of others feelings and they don’t give a damn about mine? That’s not friendship.
Don’t get me wrong. If any of my old friends came to me in need I would help them (except the one who got me arrested) because thats the kind of person I am. However I can’t bring myself to contact them if I know they are going through a tough time. I recently found out someone I knew was going through a particular bad time. We had gotten close and had know each other for about a year or so. We ended up parting on really bad terms. I did send an initial text as we were close and she was a friend who had actually listened to my problems and did seem to genuinely care. But then when I found out the situation was worse I just could not bring myself to dial her number even though I genuinely felt for what she is going through.
Does that make me sound like a bad person? Am I wrong for not contacting her?
I keep debating with myself whether I should contact her.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) stated, “The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness).” Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.