Me time = Selfish??

Asalaam Alaikum/Hi All!
So today I have a slight cold and feeling a bit down in the dumps. My sister could tell I was a bit upset on the phone and she came round. She took munchkin out shopping and I think they are now at my parents house.
To be honest I breathed a sigh of relief. A bit of time to myself to rest and do nothing, as I got all the cooking and some cleaning done first thing in the morning.
It has gotten me thinking about a comment I read before I went on my holidays. It was from another parent who basically said parents who crave ‘me time’ are selfish. That we gave up our right to ‘me time’ when we had children. 
So if we want ‘me time’ we shouldn’t have children?
So if we have children we can kiss our lives goodbye and it is ALL about the kids?
Don’t get me wrong, my priority is my munchkin. My life does revolve around her. 
However I also love it when she goes to bed and my hubby is also snoring away and I have a bit of ‘me time’. Granted, I do not do much, usually just read or watch a bit of TV or surf the net, but this time relaxes me. 
Recently I went on a blogging event which you can read about here. It was the first time ever since being married and having munchkin, that I had got away in the evening. And I loved it. Munchkin didn’t miss me because she had her dad and I got some time to myself.
So what is wrong with mothers wanting a bit of ‘me time’ to pamper themselves? To get their hair or nails done without their kids hanging on, or to go out with their friends once in a while? Does that make them selfish?


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  • Assalamu Aleykum sister,

    I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting some "me time" even after having children.This doesn't make you a "bad mum" or a selfish person, and I believe that it's really good and healthy for children to spend some time with their dad or other relatives.
    Hope you enjoyed your "me time"!

  • There's nothing wrong with me time at all! I made a pledge a few months agao to aim for at least one evening a week where I would do something for me, even if it's just staying a little late at work so I can catch up stuff and not be stressed the next day.
    My child does not suffer from not having me that night, she normally really loves it as she means she gets one to one time with her daddy and they get to do things in their own silly ways!
    You are your own person, you do not suddenly lose your master identity when you become a mother so should still give yourself time to explore all the different sides that make up your identity, whether it is spending an hour enjoying a book or meeting work colleagues for a meal! Women are like diamonds, there are many many sides to us which is why we sparkle so much!!!

  • i think it is actually selfish of mothers to devote their entire lives to their children. in order to be a great mum, u need to be an individual and have your own life seperate from your child. if not ull end up suffocating ur child and being too over-bearing

  • Absolutely agree with you huni. There's nothing wrong with wanting some 'me time'. It's the only reason I got a job when I had my 3rd child…Because I felt if I didn't I would go crazy at home! The constant need of pleasing others needs to be put aside sometimes. It also gives the children time to get to know others, it could be their grandparents, aunts and uncles or even there own fathers! My husband and I make a point of booking a short holiday away without kids once in a while just so that we can relax and come back fresh. Don't get me wrong they do go on holidays with us too on other holidays but once or twice a year we need that time.

  • I think everyone needs it. You need some time to recharge batteries and then you come back energised. That can only be a good thing for everyone including the kids. I could do with some myself. It's not easy though is it.

  • I do not think so. Mothers NEED me time so that they get refreshed and then take care of their family. A happy mommy makes a happy family.

  • I hope you get well soon baaaaj!

    I think some people are really really stupid. Everyone needs some alone time, no matter who you are.

    It's like saying doctors shouldn't be allowed alone time because their patients may die.

    It's not like you're dumping the little munchkin while you treat yourself.


  • I wonder what those who are against mothers having 'me time' would say about those mothers who end up seriously harming their children because they (the mothers) were overly stressed and didn't ever try to take a breather, step away and regroup?

  • I think ‘me time’ is vital. If I don’t get enough ‘me time’ I get cranky and much less tolerant. We all know kids are trying and need a lot of patience and when I don’t get ‘me time’ I know I can’t be as good of a mom as I can when I get some time to myself or for the things I like doing. If I can’t get out and get a break, I try to make sure I get some time in to read a book or watch a show uninterrupted. Obviously I can’t just leave my son at home alone and he has needs so it’s not always 100% uninterrupted ‘me time’ but it’s much better than nothing. One thing that works well is when I put on a movie for him and pull out some toys and give him a drink so he’s all setup and I pull out my laptop and noise-cancelling headphones. I stay in the same room so if he really does need something I’m right there but he’s much less likely to bother me when he has to put in a real effort to get my attention with my headphones on. I use this time to cruise around and take a look at blogs like yours, find interesting and fun crafts for him and me to do, and watch TV online. I had a hard time finding a site at first but a coworker of mine at DISH recommended DISH Online and I’ve been using it ever since. I get to watch all the boring grownup movies my son hates and the girly shows my husband avoids all, mostly, uninterrupted. The best part is that my shows are available on demand so I don’t have to do it at any particular time or even set recordings so if the little one gets really into something I can just pull out my laptop and start watching. When I’m done, I feel better about dedicating some time to my son and am happy to give him ALL of my attention. As you can see, I think all moms need plenty of ‘me time’ and it makes them better moms so no, there is nothing wrong with wanting ‘me time’.