Err… ?!?
That is the response which I often have to some of the difficult questions, posed to me by my children. The other day, however, I was left even more dumbfounded on how to explain a particular issue to my sons.
My 4 year old son wanted a pair of earrings. That led to a whole conversation about jewelry and other things being for girls. The problem is that my answers were always countered with what would on the surface appear to be valid points from him.
We live on a society where men wear earrings, nose rings, and just about every other type of jewelry. My children see lots of facial piercings, tattoos, and cross dressing, and anything which looks pretty to them, they want. They are having difficulty grasping the concept that ‘x’ is for girls and ‘y’ is for boys, because we live in a messed up society where gender appropriate lines have been blurred. Just like many other parents, I want to protect my children from these things, however, the reality has hit that they are going to see and hear things on topics which I would prefer that they know nothing about, because they go to school and interact with other children; children who may come from homes with ‘2 daddies’ or ‘2 mummies’, and who are exposed to much more which I don’t even want to think about, much less type.
I caught my boys doing something very inappropriate with each other, and when I spoke to them and questioned why they did it, it turned out that they had seen 2 men… ! *gasp*
I am forever trying to find age appropriate ways of explaining to my children why the things they see in the world outside are not acceptable for us to practice, but boy, is it becoming more difficult.
Please tell me that I am not the only parent out there facing this.
Salam alaikum…you are not the only one facing this, and I feel it just gets harder as the kids get older.
I just had a conversation with my 15 year old about wearing perfume and nail polish. Unfortunately she received them as gifts and feels it should be okay…as moms (Muslim or not), there is no way to just get it right. I am learning that the hard way. The more I say no, the more my kids want to "try" the forbidden.
I think we just have to live by example and keeping saying no. Hopefully, inshaAllah they get tired of hearing those words, lol.
I imagine it's the case for many parents, mums especially. We have to take care of our children but sometime it's hard to explain one thing when outside they see something different.
Talking is the key I suppose, this way it helps children see every single person has its values but the ones to respect are the ones they are being taught.
You are not the only one facing these issues – it is such a struggle these days knowing which is the best way to parent because of the influence of the outside world.
Salam, just came across ur blog.
Its really very sad, and no ur no the only one, u would be shocked how much this happens and u would be even more shocked how many parents dont even know about it. I think maybe u could look into the sexual development in children. There is many perspectives and some sound crazy, some more valid. But from what i know, children ur age are right now in a phase called anal-phase (Freudian psychology) and its a stange where the sensation shifts from the mouth to the anus and eventually to the genital. I know we muslims many time are a bit close minded when it
Asalamu alaikum,
Thx for sharing. Just practice more Sunnah in the house it will become easy insha'Allah
Look out for my "After Hajj" post coming soon! Your wise words welcomed..
Take Care
Parenting is really tough! It is difficult to judge and define the fine line between this and that. I know of this as I have been a guardian for my younger sister. However what I feel is that, before inculcating something in the young ones we have to broaden our own purview. There is nothing straight forwardly wrong or right. But we have to clear that line for them. Giving reason is important. 'Why' needs to be answered.
Hope that you and your family are well. The baby must be keeping you super busy.
Take care! 🙂