A guest post by Aisha Idris
It is a dream of every parent to share a harmonious relationship with their child. A relationship in which their child would be compliant. But getting your children to listen to you can turn into a difficult task especially when a parent isn’t aware of some of the basics of child psychology.
In this article I would like to share some basic guidelines related to a child’s psyche so your everyday parenting tasks turns into a smooth process.
Connection before correction
One thing that every child has in common is the need to feel loved and connected. When they feel connected to someone it is highly likely that they will follow their instructions as well as their actions. Hence before you want your child to listen to you, you will need to make that connection.
Share quality time and physical experiences
This is essential for every parent who wants to build a healthy communication and connection with their children. Having a quality time together that involves some physical experience. It may involve going to a nearby park two to three times a week. Working on a skill with your child, be it cooking, embroidery or even coding. Reading to your child from a book or even sharing with them tales from your childhood.
Make sure that quality time means you are physically and mentally present with your child. No distractions should be around. The messages and social media notifications can wait. If you receive a call during this quality time and if it is not urgent then you can call them back. This will give your child the message that they are being loved and valued and when a child feels loved and valued, they will be ready to hear you out.
Engage in play often
For us as parents, play can be considered a waste of time but for kids in general play is a means of expression. If you observe them closely during play you can see that they are usually doing what they have learned from their parents, teachers and other family members. So pick a specific time of the day when you can engage in play together with your child. This will further strengthen your bond with your child and build the emotional connection that will make them listen to you.
Don’t expect them to do what you are not doing
Your child is constantly observing you and they follow actions more than instructions. So if there is something you want them to do you should be doing it yourself. If you want them to eat healthy, they should be seeing you eat healthy as well. If you want them to complete their homework on time then they should be seeing you completing your work on time without procrastination.
Be respective of your adults
This doesn’t needs any saying but it is just to remind you. Children are constantly learning through modelling so they do what they see their elders doing. You may build a very close connection with your child but if you are not respecting your adults be it your parents, your spouse’s parents or, your uncle and aunts, then they would be doing the same with you.
Hear them out as well
Children also need to be heard, not just about their day to day activities at school or about their problems but also why they are delaying doing a certain thing or don’t want to do something. This will create a mutual understanding between you and your child and give your child the message that they are also being heard.
I pray these tips help you build a better bond with your child and you are able to establish a healthy communication and connection with them. Don’t forget to keep making Du’a for an obedient and pious child. There will be obstacles in your parenting journey from time to time during which just keep praying to Allah and you will Insha Allah find peace.
About Aisha Idris
Aisha Idris is a clinical psychologist, author and trainer. She has experience working with children, teenagers and young adults. She runs an online platform for parents and teachers (IZIC) through which she conducts workshops and courses related to childcare. You can find more about her at https://aishaidrisaboo.wordpress.com.