Children are not weapons.

Asalaam Alaikum
I see it all too often. A marriage breaks down and who suffers the most? The children.
I am of the opinion that parents should not stay together for the sake of their children as it will impact on them whether you realise it or not. Unless of course you are very good at acting and can pretend everything is ok and are not arguing 24/7 in front of them.
One thing I detest is when the children become ammunition for the parents. More often than not it is the mother but I’m not saying fathers do not do it either. Fathers, especially Muslim ones from abroad, are known to take the children ‘back home’ and vanish.
But sticking to the UK it is usually;
‘I have the kids. Go to court if you want to see them’.
Then they will lie and do everything in their power to stop the other parent from seeing them. Even if the parent manages to get a contact order it is no guarantee that they will see the child.
What I detest even more is when the parents say negative things about the other parent to the children hoping they will turn against the other parent.
Why do this? 
I could understand to a certain extent if the other parent was abusive towards the children but if they are loving towards them then why deprive them of their parent? Children need both parents in their lives.
I am speaking from experience here. My brother and his wife separated about 10 years ago and had 4 children. The oldest is now almost 16. Their mother did everything in her power to stop us from seeing the children, even going so far to say that we had shown the kids a gun and the police came to search the house. In the end the judge told her off. Even now she can’t let go and has managed to turn 2 of the children against us. They are all going off the rails because she thinks if she disciplines them they will decide they want to live with us.
Children are a precious gift, that need to be loved and nurtured. So please do not use them as weapons  (no matter how much you may be hurting) against your husband/wife if you separate. Let them have both parents in their lives.

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  • Salaam,

    I agree with your opinion. Children are precious, indeed. I'm sorry about your brother and his struggle with his ex-wife with regards to the children. Hoping that 2011 will actually mellow the ex-wife's heart, insyaallah.

    Have a great 2011.