If I am honest one of my major faults is that I struggle to forgive. If someone hurts me or my family I generally cut all contact and want nothing to do with them. I guess it is partly a reaction to protect myself from being hurt again. But when the hurt turns into hate, then it can be slightly worrying.
There is a person in my life who I would say I really detest. The family have caused many problems within our family, they have sworn at my eldest daughter in an indirect way, said things about my husband and told lie after lie after lie. After many years this one person did apologise (although I do not think it was sincere), but I still struggle to let go. That in itself is dangerous both spiritually and psychologically . It can destroy you mentally if you are consumed with so much hatred. Just hearing their name can make you angry and bitter and it becomes even harder to let go. It can effect you on a day to day basis as if you can’t forgive and move on then it has the potential to effect all your relationships.
I have been trying to remind myself of forgiveness in Islam. If Allah (swt) is forgiving and merciful, then how can I, as a normal human being, not forgive?
“Be quick in the forgiveness from your Lord, and pardon (all) men – for Allah loves those who do good.”
[Surah ali Imran; 3:133-134]
Another reminder which I keep telling myself is that it is not advised to break ties for more than 3 days.
Anas bin Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Do not desert (stop talking to) one another, do not nurse hatred towards one another, do not be jealous of one another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to stop talking to his brother (Muslim) for more than three days.”[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Ultimately, forgiving will free you from bitterness. It is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of being the bigger and better person.
May Allah (swt) give me the srength to forgive all those who have wronged me and indeed forgive me for my sins!
“I ask forgiveness from Allah”